Christian Jokes
We all could use a good laugh or two. I find laughter is therapy. I LOVE to laugh. So I thought I would share a joke or two with you. Some are old, some are new. But I am sure one or two of them will make you smile. Enjoy:
Know what God Looks Like?
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork.
As she came to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”
The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied,. . . .
“They will in a minute.”
Have Faith
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though they were a very
large mammal their throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
IRS Agents In Heaven
Two income tax collectors died and arrived at the pearly gates.
Just ahead of them were two clergy, but St. Peter motioned them aside
and took the internal revenue into heaven at once.
“Why them ahead of us?” the surprised religious leaders asked.
“Haven’t we done everything possible to spread the good word?”
“Yes,” said St. Peter,
“but those two IRS agents scared the Hell out of more people than you ever did!”
Higher Power
A Sunday school teacher said to her children,
“We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.
But, there is a higher power.
Can anybody tell me what it is?”
One child blurted out, “Aces!”
The Red Wagon
It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco.
The pastor of the church was looking over the naivety when
he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures.
Immediately he turned and went outside where he saw a little
boy with a red wagon and in the wagon was the figure of the infant of Jesus.
So he walked up the the little boy and said,
“Well, where’d you get Him, my fine friend?”
The little boy replied , “I got him from the church.”
“And why did you take him?”
The little boy replied,
“Well about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if
he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it.”
Liquid, Fragile or Perishable?
When a woman decided to send the old family Bible to her brother in another state,
the postal worker asked her if there was anything breakable in the package.
“Only the Ten Commandments”, she replied.
Satan-In-Law
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny Midwest town got up early
and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the entrance, trampling each other in
a frantic effort to get away from an evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who
sat calmly in his pew, not moving…..seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate
enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused and irritated the Devil a bit, so he walked up to the man and said,
“Don’t you know who I am?”
“Yep, sure do,” the elderly man said.
Satan asked, “Aren’t you afraid of me?”
This time the man said, “Nope, sure ain’t!”
Satan, a little more perturbed at this, asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”
The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for 56 years.”
Money for the Preacher
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, “When I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.”
“Well, thank you,” the pastor replied, “but why?”
“Because my daddy says you’re one of the poorest preachers we’ve ever had.”
What Fell from the Bible?
A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it closely.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”
Out of Luck
A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble.
His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble.
He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.
He begins to pray… “God, please help me.
I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well.
Please let me win the lotto.”
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Joe again prays… “God, please let me win the lotto!
I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well“.
Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.
Once again, he prays… “My God, why have you forsaken me??
I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car.
My wife and children are starving.
I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you.
PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself:
“Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”